You are beautiful. You are brave. You are smart. I start with these three statements because I believe you are and so do the people that love you.
The decision to leave a relationship is difficult but the pain you’ve been suffering has exhausted itself. You are in search for safety, freedom, support, and most importantly, self-love. You have all the light within yourself to shine brighter than the abuse you’ve been living in.
Finding the right techniques, tools, and timing for you is crucial throughout your decision to leave. Below are a few techniques and tools that may assist you in your beginning stages of getting out of an abusive relationship.
Understanding the right timing of when to leave is a priority. You want to ensure you’re supported, there are as “minimal” threats as possible, and you are safe!
As you begin to bring in consciousness towards leaving the abuser, you’ll begin to notice and engage an understanding as to the “right” timing to say or do things around the abuser. Use this time to track the patterns and subtly remove and disengage yourself from the abuser.
Connect with Loved Ones
Find the people who love you and re-connect with them. Ask for help and open up about your story. When someone really loves you for you, they will support and assist you in any way they can. They want to see you happy and safe.
Start by asking yourself, “Who do I trust?” Then, contact them using a public phone or somebody else’s phone. Even if it’s just one person, start with them and build your support system as you go. The key is to contact someone safe who will have your best interest in mind. If you do not have anybody else because you’ve been disconnected from your friends and family, find a local church or domestic violent center (even if it’s you’re not exposed to physical abuse) to assist you through your journey of freedom and safety.
You are not alone and there is ALWAYS someone willing to help.Remember: the negative things the abuser says about your loved ones are NOT true. They are simply comments made to gain control and isolate you from gaining any other advice than the one the abuser shares.
Professional Legal & Medical Support
If you believe you are in immediate danger, contact 911. Finding support either via phone or in person by professionals can give you a sense of confidence and strength. The professionals are on your side. You are not the professional’s first case and will not be their last. Therefore, contact them and ask to speak to someone who has experience with your specific case and request help.
Here are some resources to begin with:
National Sexual Assault: 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)
National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
National Dating Abuse Hotline: 1-866-331-9474 or visit www.loveisrespect.com or text loveis to 2522
Decrease Likability & Attractiveness
While you are finding a safe time to leave an abusive relationship, attempt to stay as disengaged and unappealing as possible.
Attempt to put on less makeup, dress down more often, and limit the amount of contact you have. If you must have contact limit the amount of conversation you engage with them. This technique is called the Grey Rock Method. The goal is to be as unappealing and unattractive as possible to the abuser. Give them bare minimum so you can no longer be viewed as something interesting to the abuser and they will focus their attention elsewhere.
You are beautiful. You are brave. You are smart. AND you will get through this!
If you would like more information on getting out of an abusive relationship safely, please feel free to contact Bloom Sooner. We are here to empower you and continue to provide you tools and techniques specified towards your relationship.
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